|
|
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
agate
Site Admin
Joined: 17 May 2006
Posts: 5694
Location: Oregon
|
 Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 3:10 pm Post subject: Single parenting and MS |
 |
|
A number of people here are single parents with MS.
I was a single parent but before I knew I had MS. I can recall the kinds of difficulties I had as a single parent.
But that was many years ago. What kinds of difficulties are facing YOU as single parents--especially with MS complicating the picture?
Do you have any ways of finding some help with your daily jobs?
Is transportation a major problem for you?
Is your child (or children) able to understand how MS has affected you? |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
lady_express_44
Joined: 22 May 2006
Posts: 1314
Location: Vancouver, Canada
|
| Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 4:29 pm Post subject: Re: Single parenting and MS |
|
|
| agate wrote: |
A number of people here are single parents with MS.
I was a single parent but before I knew I had MS. I can recall the kinds of difficulties I had as a single parent.
But that was many years ago. What kinds of difficulties are facing YOU as single parents--especially with MS complicating the picture?
Do you have any ways of finding some help with your daily jobs?
Is transportation a major problem for you?
Is your child (or children) able to understand how MS has affected you? |
Hi Agate,
I am a single parent, and have been for several years. I have two daughters, aged 14 and 10, and have known about the MS since before I got pregnant with the eldest.
It was hard when I was working full-time, which was up until May/05. Sometimes I had fairly high-pressure jobs, because I needed the money to make ends meet, and that made things very difficult; commuting downtown (1 hr each way), plus 10 - 12 hrs of work.
My Mom came from a family of 18, and often I would say to myself "if I had 18 children, how would I deal with this situation?". Also, I came from a home where there was very little supervision or guidance, so I learned that kids can survive on very little if they have to. Of course, that's not an ideal daily existence, but "in a pinch", it works to relieve the guilt anyway.
The hardest was when they were really small, and I was so exhausted. After we got past that, often all they wanted was attention and someone to play with. Since I wasn't able to do much more then that after working all day, sitting there with them was pretty easy.
Like all of us, with or without kids, I've had to curb my goals/expectations for myself because of limitations; in energy, finances, house-keeping, etc. Again, my kids were trained pretty early to be helpful and tidy up after themselves . . . but the majority of the housework falls on me. This is easier since I am no longer working, but prior to that, they were in daycare all day so I just had to deal with the mess that happened at night.
The hardest part has probably been the financial pressures, and/or when I have been paralyzed. I do not have anyone to lean on financially, and there have been some very tough times along the way. My eldest has worked every Spring/Summer since she was 12, and this helps.
My best girlfriend, who died last year, left my eldest a sum of money so that she can take trips, etc. This was such an amazing and thoughtful thing to do, and it has given her opportunities to travel and have fun with friends' families, etc.
My ex is great about taking the kids a couple of nights a week, and he takes them on their annual vacation. He is also there to help me in whatever way I need, if I am unwell. I don't abuse that, but there have been times when he's spent most of a week or a month here, when I couldn't function.
The kids are aware of my MS, but they don't really understand it. Other then what they have been "trained" to do, at a very young age, they are typical kids that expect everything that everyone else has. This has caused problems, at certain times, but mostly they are pretty understanding when I haven't been able to do something, or can't afford it.
I am lucky too though, because my (deceased) girlfriend and ex have always been there when I couldn't be.
I think they will be stronger and more compassionate people for their experience, and they don't really have much reason to be resentful in the long-run. The most important thing is that I love them unconditionally; it's amazing how much kids will prosper from this fact alone.
Cherie
_________________
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
Naguib Mahfouz |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
agate
Site Admin
Joined: 17 May 2006
Posts: 5694
Location: Oregon
|
| Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 7:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. That must have been really difficult to lose someone so kind and generous.
It sounds as if you've got a routine that works for you and your daughters. Not having to work at a job where you have to go to work every day or on certain days must be a help too. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
lady_express_44
Joined: 22 May 2006
Posts: 1314
Location: Vancouver, Canada
|
| Posted: Mon Aug 14, 2006 8:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Linda was about 9 yrs older then me, and while she had kids fairly young, I had waited till I was older.
She had a grand-daughter that was born within a few weeks of my daughter, and they are best friends. She was very close to my eldest too (because of that) and took her on every vacation, etc. (Mexico, Disneyland, etc.)
She was an amazing friend, and I still miss her dearly.
Cherie
_________________
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
Naguib Mahfouz |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
agate
Site Admin
Joined: 17 May 2006
Posts: 5694
Location: Oregon
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 6:25 pm Post subject: |
|
|
That is a big problem in these times, isn't it--kids that don't understand that their parents can't always get them the latest technological gadget or whatever?
As a parent who's struggling to pay the basic bills, you probably wish that the commercials and those pals your kids have would stop yammering away about the iPod or the Xbox that is so cool.
It must be a constant din in their ears, even in Canada, where I have an impression it isn't as bad as here in the US.
They're bombarded with tempting ads everywhere. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
lady_express_44
Joined: 22 May 2006
Posts: 1314
Location: Vancouver, Canada
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 7:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Commercials, TV, technology . . . it's all the same here, Agate.
My kids don't expect any of that kind of stuff till X-Mas/Birthdays/Easter. In fact, they don't even expect clothes until those occasions (except they get new stuff for back-to-school).
Usually people give them money so that it might take one or two events before they can get the IPOD's, etc. . . . but they do get them.
Also, as I said, my eldest works (spring/summer) as an Baseball Umpire. She makes $17 for every game (goes up to $22 next year), for an hour and 20 min work, and it's all CASH. She buys all her own clothes now, plus pays for a lot of her extra activities like movies, etc.
They don't really suffer too much. It's me who does without most of the time.
Cherie
_________________
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
Naguib Mahfouz |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
agate
Site Admin
Joined: 17 May 2006
Posts: 5694
Location: Oregon
|
| Posted: Tue Aug 15, 2006 8:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Oh to be a kid again!
I'd say your daughter is one of the luckier ones, to have a job she enjoys. So many kids are glad to have money from a job--ANY job--that they wind up getting really dismal jobs. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
lady_express_44
Joined: 22 May 2006
Posts: 1314
Location: Vancouver, Canada
|
| Posted: Wed Aug 16, 2006 7:09 am Post subject: |
|
|
| agate wrote: |
Oh to be a kid again!
I'd say your daughter is one of the luckier ones, to have a job she enjoys. So many kids are glad to have money from a job--ANY job--that they wind up getting really dismal jobs. |
She thinks it is a very boring job, but compared to babysitting, she prefers this option.
Twelve was too young to have to worry about the responsibilities of "working", but I don't feel so bad about it when she is at the park. She is a rep-team ball player herself, so that's where she is most of the year anyway . . . and I guess somehow it doesn't seem like she is actually working.
The money is good though. Wish I could remember enough about baseball to do some cash jobs when I'm feeling up to it.
Cherie
_________________
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
Naguib Mahfouz |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You can post new topics in this forum
You can reply to topics in this forum
You can edit your posts in this forum
You can delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
